Miss Riki

Welcome to My Literary World

The Lie

Pinpointing my first lie would likely bring us straight to me as a child with telltale face and hands covered in chocolate vehemently denying ever so much as laying eyes on said chocolate. As a child, my experience with lying centered on the benign. No, I did not hit my brother. No, I did not just say a four-letter word rhyming with truck. No, I did not sneak in the basement window past my curfew. They were white lies spun in childhood self-preservation really.

If we move forward to the lies that start to matter, we hit the jackpot. It was the lie I started telling myself as a very young adult that became the biggest and what I consider my first; the lie that I was fundamentally happy. 

At this point it is probably necessary to define what “fundamentally happy” means to me, as I am sure that it is different for each person. To me, fundamentally happy is joy in the absence of drama. When I say drama I mean anything that might upset my daily routine. There have been times when disruption meant something as simple as the wrong sideways look from the barista who serves my coffee.  More frequently disruption is a failed relationship or a loss of perceived love. But, I digress…

Back to joy in the absence of drama. It started as what I believe to be little lies not unlike the ones we covered from my childhood. No, that boy with the stunning green eyes and the charming southern drawl did not mean that much to me. No, it does not bother me one bit that I am a few pounds overweight. Somehow they grew to monumental proportions. Yes, it is okay that you no longer want to live with me. Of course I don’t mind that your romantic love for me has cooled to a distant memory and a somewhat fond friendship.

The bigger the lies became, the more elaborate the façade I was forced to manage. After all, I am the sunny girl with the ever-present smile. I am the one you know you can come to in time of crisis and I will set your world right-side-up again. I am outwardly quick to laugh and slow to despair.

In the end I know that all lies are revealed and the truth is meant to set you free, yet I continue to live this lie every day. Slowly I allow people to see the fractures in my shield of happiness. Close friends know that all is not sunshine and rainbows and thanks to the internet and the intimate world of blogging, complete strangers see my more sullen side.

It is my dream that someday life starts to add up and my façade becomes my reality. No longer will it be an untruth that I am fundamentally happy. Someday sunshine and rainbows will reign again. After all, we make our own truths. In this case, my truth will be born from this enduring lie that I live.

I guess that thought in itself may also be a lie.

I Am….

I have to admit that I have a small case of writer’s block and have had the damnedest time coming up with an idea for a blog post for today. Then a friend sent me one of those chain-type letters where you fill in answers about yourself and pass it along to other friends to learn more about them. I filled it out and sent it on and then got to thinking that it would actually be a nice way to introduce myself a bit to my readers.

Some of the questions are pretty mundane, but quite a few give you a bit of insight to my world. Enjoy!

 

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.

Name: Miss Riki

Current Location: Chandler, AZ…Wishing it was Alaska or somewhere cooler. (These 100+ degrees temperature in mid-October are killing me).

Hair Color: Reddish brown…the result of too many at-home dye jobs I’m sure.

Righty/Lefty: Righty.

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.

Your fear: Flying and Failing.

Your dream of the perfect date: A baseball game followed by drinks in a low-lit place. (Candlelight is a bonus. Everyone looks better by candlelight).

 

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.

Your thoughts first waking up: Is it 6:00 already?

Your best physical feature: My blue eyes.

Your bed time: 10:00PM- very strictly. It has to be something really good to keep my up past that time.

 

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.

Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke for sure.                                                    

McDonald’s or Burger King: Neither-I try not to eat fast food.                          

Single or Group Dates: Single. I’m in the mood for love right now…

Adidas or Nike: Nike-“Just Do It.”

Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate!

Cappuccino or Coffee: Both- but add tea too!

 

LAYER 5: DO YOU:

Smoke: Never…most disgusting thing ever to me.

Cuss: Like a sailor all too often lately.

Take showers: Of course….I live in Arizona, so sometimes more than once a day.

Have a crush: YES!

Like school: I LOVE school, especially now that I’m studying something I enjoy. I think I’ve found my niche.

Believe in yourself: On occasion, but not often enough.

Believe what goes around comes around: Absolutely. Karma Rules!

Believe everything happens for a reason: Absolutely.

Think you’re a health freak: Um- I ate chips and salsa for breakfast and am planning on a hot dog and a beer at the ballpark tonight. I am NOT a health-freak!

 

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.

Gone to the mall: Unfortunately, yes. I’m not a fan, though. I go when I must.

Been on stage: Yes; I played the flute in high school, college, and beyond.

Eaten sushi: Mmm….love sushi.

Been hurt: More than I’d like to admit.

Dyed your hair: Many, many times. At first because it was fun, and now to cover the grey. (Thanks, Mom!) I’ve been almost every color, but never blonde.

 

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.

Played a stripping game: When I was thinner and less self-conscious. (And possibly more tipsy).

Kissed the same sex: Yes. (No, you may not have details).

Gotten beaten up: No, thank goodness.

Changed who you were to fit in: No- I’m not that good of an actress.

 

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.

Age you’re hoping to be married by: 80 (Hey- my grandmother did it….)    

Number of kids you’re planning on having: Probably none….I’m sort of running out of time.

 

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.

Best eye color: Brown- they’re so kind.

Hair color: Any- bald is nice too.

Short or long hair: I like it short. (Mine is pretty short and I don’t want to date a guy with hair longer than mine!)

Fat or fit: Medium build- not too intimidating.

Looks or personality: Personality!

Fun or serious: Fun, but responsible.

 

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.

1 MINUTE AGO: Watching playoff baseball on television.

1 HOUR AGO: At a doctor’s appointment.

1 WEEK AGO: Moving out of my home.

1 YEAR AGO: Falling in love.

 

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.

I FEEL: In limbo. I’m ready for a change.

I HATE: Negativity, pessimism, and prejudice.

I HIDE: My “unfortunate” body parts.

I NEED: True love and a schedule to follow.

I LOVE: My friends and family.

 

My Name is Riki, and I am a Sports Fan.

My name is Riki, and I am a sports fan.

Not a casual, oh-the-game-is-on-in-the-other-room-while-I-cook-dinner type of supporter, but a stop-everything-and-sit-down-to-yell-at-the-officials-and-cheer-on-my-team-no-matter-what devotee. Recently someone who calls themselves a friend attacked me via Facebook post (cowardly if you ask me) and said this: “Some people are too emotional. They are athletes. Paid to play. You have no real connection with them, but being a fan you feel as if you do.”

Well, no shit, mister. Yes, “my boys” are athletes paid to play, but I’m willing to bet that they started out as a child with a big dream and got to be where they are now through hard work and talent. No real connection to them? I’d say that the average 42,000 folks who show up to each game have a very real connection that you could only dream of having with some of your closest friends. It is my pleasure and I am honored to support my state and the economy by supporting someone who has followed their dreams by utilizing hard work and discipline.

The whole exchange got me to thinking, what is a “sports fan” really? Wikipedia (yes, I understand this is not an authorized academic source, but this is a blog, not a term paper) states, “A sports fan can be an enthusiast for a particular athlete, team, sport, or all of organized sports as a whole.” They go on to say, “The mentality of the sports fan is often such that they will experience a game or event while living vicariously through players or teams whom the fan favors.” I like that definition; living vicariously. Yes, that is what I am doing.

I am definitely one of those enthusiasts who follow their teams with fervor. Once on a first date I excused myself to the ladies room to watch the end of a game that meant nothing in the long run of the season on my smart phone in the bathroom and ended up being in there so long I had to blame “stomach problems.” On another occasion I contemplated pushing my date out the door of my moving vehicle when he asked me to turn off the scratchy AM coverage of the World Series on the radio. I mean, seriously. There would be no second date after that bullshit. (Note to self: Must start dating men who enjoy sports).

Today I would like to share with you things I believe true sports fans do; things they are proud to do. Feel free to add to this list as you like.

Real fans buy team jerseys and wear them in public, even in the offseason. I am a fan year-round and am proud to show it. I wear my team logos and jerseys out in public, and not just to a game. Since when is fandom limited to the confines of the stadium?

Real fans cheer for their team- all of the time. Win or lose, you will find me cheering on my teams and living each moment as if we might pull that game out. A real fan cheers for their team, especially when they are stinking it up out there. Does your team have a 100-year (or more) drought for a championship? Then you ought to be the more avid of fans and cheer them on even more! (Just think how much sweeter your next one will be when you’ve supported them all along). It’s easy to be a fan when your team is on top; it is real to be a fan no matter what.

Real fans know that trash-talk should be good-natured. Do you hate my favorite team? Great! Tell me all about how much you hate them and all of the reasons why we are going to lose against your own team. However, leave my mother and my dangling body parts out of it. I belong to a fantasy football league in which the men are constantly berating the mother or penis of the others and I’m finding it to be ineffectual. The best conversations and smack-talk exchanges leave moms and dangling bits out.

Real fans do not boo their own team- ever. I cannot think of a reason why I would ever boo my own home team, and I dare you to change my mind with a reason why it would be constructive to do so.

So, there you have it. My name is Riki, and I am a true sports fan.

5 Reasons Why I Love This Day

5 Reasons Why I Love This Day:

1.) It is not 100 degrees outside.

In fact, it is a blissful, cool 66 degrees this fall evening after a gorgeous 75 degree day of overcast loveliness. I love October in Arizona when we finally have the last of those 100+ degree days that have plagued us during the interminable summer.

 2.) There is playoff baseball on the television.

Right now the dreadful (in my own humble opinion) New York Yankees are battling the Detroit Tigers for a chance to play in the Major League Baseball American League Championship Series, and I am cheering along with all of the Yankees-haters in this nation from the comfort of my living room couch. October brings playoff baseball, and today I am enjoying it wholeheartedly.

I am in a state of joyful anticipation waiting for my home team Arizona Diamondbacks to take their own turn at a Game 5 in the baseball playoffs tomorrow night against the Milwaukee Brewers. Even though the game is not going on now, I am reveling in the pregame fun of Facebook and Twitter feeds that are predicting every moment and outcome. I love the way the fans in Arizona have come together in a campaign of #WhyNotUs. Indeed, why not? Tomorrow is our chance to show the world why we are a contending team, and I simply cannot wait.

3.) I am reaching my goals.

Today I took steps forward in reaching my personal goals. I attended my regularly scheduled personal training session and had a kick-ass workout. I also followed my new food plan to perfection for the fourth day in a row. Baby steps, you say? Yes, but steps in the right direction. Too often I jump forward and seek the end result without doing the work required to get there, but today I made small strides towards enhancing my life.

Also on the goals front, I am posting a blog post for the 6th day in a row. That is a huge step towards my commitment to do something creative every day.

4.) I have wonderful friends by my side.

Today I was able to connect with friends in person and virtually via Facebook. I had a friendly sports argument with a dear friend, drank delicious coffee and chatted aimlessly with another and helped a third work out a life issue. Today I was blessed to have all of them in my life. They made me feel both loved and significant in this world.

I was also able to connect with new friends through amazing blogging communities. Thanks to the Internet, I have been able to reach out and support other artists and fellow individuals who struggle in the same way that I do, and have realized the rewards of their support in return.

5.) Tomorrow is a new day.

Finally, I love this day because it is nearly over and tomorrow offers fresh opportunities for growth and success. For all of the forward movement of today, there is more to come tomorrow and I am eager to greet the day and its endless possibilities.

 

Why do you love today?

 

“If you Don’t Have a Smile…I’ll Give you One of Mine!”

I have my own personal quote that I often use as a tagline. It is a bit of a motto actually, and is something I have been saying since I was in junior high school. I use it on all of my personal profiles and have been known to make homemade buttons and signs that display the following words:

“If you don’t have a smile…I’ll give you one of mine!”

It is something I try to remember when I see someone on the street whether friend or stranger, and I can’t even begin to count how many times giving someone a simple friendly smile had yielded one in return. (It has also yielded me a raised middle finger accompanied by the scowl of all scowls, but I am choosing to ignore that response).  

For today’s post I have decided to go with a bit of inspiration. I absolutely love to read, and am constantly highlighting passages and dog-earing pages of books that have quotes or lines that I love. I would like to share a few of my favorites with you today.

 Miss Riki’s Favorite Quotes on Happiness:

Happiness and the idea of being happy is one of my favorite subjects, and the following quotes never fail to bring a smile to my face and increase my own joy. I hope you find a gem here to make you smile as well!

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” – E. B. White

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”  – Abraham Lincoln

“The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself.”  -Author unknown, although Commonly attributed to Benjamin Franklin

 

Miss Riki’s Favorite Quotes on Love:

Who doesn’t love to love, and these quotes are among my little darlings.

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” -Ingrid Bergman

“A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.” -George Jean Nathan

“Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times.” -Rita Rudner

 

Miss Riki’s Favorite Motivational Quotes:

I often use these when I’m physically or emotionally stuck. (Most recently they have come in handy for my weight-loss and workout efforts).

“Ninety percent of the game is half mental.” -Yogi Berra

“If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” –Unknown author

“Pain is temporary; pride is forever.” –Unknown author

“Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.” -Marilyn vos Savant

 

Miss Riki’s Favorite Quotes on Faith:

Who couldn’t use a little more faith in their lives?

“Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.” -Mother Teresa

“Fear knocked at the door.  Faith answered.  And lo, no one was there.” -Author Unknown

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

Miss Riki’s All-Time Favorite Quote on Creativity:

“Let yourself sound crazy. Lie. Blow up your feeling. Make it enormous the way we do when we’re hysterical, ecstatic or in the middle of a tantrum, a love affair or a panic attack. You might be amazed at what comes out of you.” – Susan G. Wooldridge (from her book Poemcrazy)

 

Do you have a favorite quote or motto that lifts your spirits, brings you joy, or motivates you? I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

Latitude3324-A Guest Post

During this month of October while I am busy churning out creative blog posts, I decided that I would feature a few guests along the journey. This is my first foray into the world of guest bloggers and I am excited to share their wisdom and beautiful views of this world with you. I had a few folks in mind who inspire me and whose writing and art make me smile, and my first guest exemplifies those qualities in every way.

I am pleased to introduce frequent missriki blog comment-giver and fellow personal blogger D.C. to the page in her very first guest post! A brief bio sketch from her blog reads:

I am Latitude3324.

I am a mid-century modern with character and flare.  Just like a good piece of architectural wonder of that era, I too, stand strong on my foundation, offer intrigue as well as a sense of place, and much more organic in form than formal. I am creative and a closet artist. I love trying out new media, traveling, photography, dogs, and try to do my part to live more sustainably. (http://latitude3324.wordpress.com/)

I am constantly inspired by the way that D.C. views the world through her own very artistic lens, and when I came across this gem of prose on her own personal blog I knew I wanted to share it with you. Please sit back and enjoy this reminiscing moment with D.C.

 

Par Avion

I was recently reading a book where the character explained the sensations; the feeling of new stationary her aunt had left in the dresser drawer gave her. It didn’t take me long find myself back as a pre-teen pulling a sheet of extra thin paper from the bureau to write to my pen pal. It was a small sheet, about the half the size of a typing piece of paper, and so thin, I could have used it to trace in art class.  It came with a pristine almost square envelope with the iconic red and blue striping on the edges, and the air mail logo. To me, it was a passport to another world.  I recall placing lined paper underneath to guide my practiced cursive, and writing small to maximize the use of precious paper.

I was first introduced to airmail paper when my childhood friend moved to Cambodia, when her father was sent as part of his job. This was long before texting and e-mail.  It was even before cell phones, and at a time when a basic telephone call to someone in the same city was done sparingly. Thus corresponding via “air mail” was the only option for us to keep our friendship alive.   I recall not only writing but also the anticipation of receiving a long-awaited note from her.  The sight of the similar red and blue edged envelope would thrill me to no end.  I was also enamored with the foreign stamps in the top right corner of the mail.

Unbeknownst to me at the time I would be the one to move away next and the letters to my family would take on the normalcy of flimsy paper and red and blue trimmed envelopes.  Funny how life has changed and now I get my news from across the world via Facebook or e-mail.  News of celebrations or deaths, sharing of vacations or daily life is now as instantaneous as one takes the time to unload a photo or note.  Gone is the anticipation at the mailbox, or the giddiness at the sight of that certain envelope.  I now wait for that sweet little sound that tells me “I’ve got mail” from afar.

But I have not lost my sense of excitement when I wander into a stationary store. The smell of paper, the colors, the imprinting of monograms, the feel of the linen, and all the associated accessories… It is all about as thrilling as entering an art supply store. But that’s another whole story.

 Thank you to my readers who have allowed me to share my guest with you today and to D.C. for allowing me to showcase her work.

**On a side note, I had initially asked D.C. to demonstrate her amazing skills in photography by featuring an artistic photo of an actual international “Air Mail” envelope, but after a short search and a telephone call to the US Post Office, it was determined that those precious onion skin thin, little blue envelopes are indeed a thing of the past.

I Support Mental Illness Awareness Week

In 1990 U.S. Congress established the first week of October as Mental Illness Awareness Week (MIAW) in recognition of the National Alliance on Mental Illness’ efforts to raise awareness for mental illness. This year between October 2nd through the 8th, people from all over will stand together to bring a collective consciousness to this issue that is often misunderstood.

MIAW is especially important this year as severe budget cuts threaten mental health services in many communities around the country. People who do not receive treatment often end up in hospitals, shelters, in jail, or even dead. Most importantly, this is a week where we fight stigma for serious mental illnesses such as major depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

This is a cause that is very close to my heart because I have been diagnosed and living with bipolar disorder for nearly thirteen years. Everyone experiences their mental illness in a different way, and mine has had its bumpy moments, peppered by even harsher moments, and then thankfully capped by growth. I do know that I am among the lucky ones who have an incredible support system. I have always had ample health insurance and the financial means to pay those premiums. I have a loving family with endless patience in helping me heal when things take their down turns, and I am blessed with friends who have made me a part of their lives even when I am a less than desirable companion. I understand that not everyone is fortunate enough to have this kind of endless support. This is my opportunity to stand up and remind people that everyone deserves the kind of backing I have had in my life.

I read somewhere today that the only reason that people like me support Mental Illness Awareness Week is to drum up sympathy for myself, since I am clearly one part of the 25% of people who have a diagnosable mental disorder who are considered the “worried-well.” This phrase displeases me in the worst way. Anyone who has ever experienced a bout of depression so awful that they contemplate no longer living at all understands all too well the “worry.” Those of us who manage to come out of it a little better and tell our story are not any more “well.” To undermine the cycle of pain and recovery by using the demeaning moniker is a disservice to everyone. We are not the “worried-well.” We are the survivors. We have seen hell and have returned to life. We know pain yet live with the faith that things will get better, and I am living proof.

I am proof that treatment works. Drug therapies work, and talk therapy works. Together, they have saved my life. The thought that there are people out there who do not have access to these necessities is deplorable to me. The idea that communities are cutting the necessary funding to maintain basic mental health care is unacceptable.

I have been unfortunate enough to experience the ultimate price of mental illness, and that is the loss of life by suicide. I lost my younger brother at the age of eighteen when he took his own life. I will spend the rest of my life fighting for the opportunity to stop just one person from ever leaving the world in that way again; to stop just one family from feeling the pain of loss that we felt when we lost my brother.

Am I attempting to drum up sympathy for myself?  Not at all. I don’t want your sympathy. I want your support. I want you to stand beside me and say enough is enough. Do the thousands of seriously mentally ill people locked up in jail or in a psychiatric ward of a hospital deserve our utmost support? Yes they do, but so do the so-called “worried-well” who very well could be two moments away from being there themselves. If you know anything about mental illness at all, you know that things can change in an instant.

So, take my hand and stand up with me this week in supporting Mental Health Awareness Week. Visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (http://www.nami.org/) to see how you can help. Together we will make it better. Lives depend on it.